poetry
I don’t think I ever gave you the map
But you know exactly how to navigate
An explorer
You speak winds
And you spy my North Star
You mark my terrain
With such certainty
You hand me your binoculars
And I see things I haven’t seen before
You hold my hand
And lead me to places I have never been before
I feel dizzy at the summit
It is so high
It is so beautiful
You wrap your arms around me
So that I won’t fall
Or perhaps
We are about fall
Together
We have been known to each other
Somehow
Somewhere
We must have
Why else can you move me like that
How is it that my breath animates you
And your gaze warms me
While my saliva quenches your yearnings
Your fingers walk my trigger points
And I am open as are you
A gateway to forgotten known
Where we once knew how to
Step lightly in eternity
Expanding and contracting times
Our lines blur as every part of us
Vibrate on the frequency of...
The waves gulping us into their bosoms
Sea
See?
We are our own ancestors
We are ancient and modern and everywhere
I see you seeing me
You see me seeing you
Or is it that I see me seeing myself?
Does that even matter?
It hurts all over
And I feel myself breaking down
I’m turning into this goo
I don’t recognize myself
Then it occurred to me
Could it be
I am rearranging into
Palos Verdes Blue.
Light gently pours through the window
Dilutes the darkness pooling in the room
NYC glows at night with I don’t know what
I hear sirens afar
But stillness hums on my eardrums here
You are caressing the canvas
With your eyes
With strokes of the brush
Paint dripping from the tip
While you contemplate the shapes
You stand in the faint glow
Tall and beautiful and vulnerable
It is two in the morning
My heart fills up with something
That feels like ocean
I reach for you
Then you me
Palmful of flesh in our hands
We are nourished by the warmth
And by the ordinariness of it all
It has been shuttered
More times than I care to remember
I glue all the pieces back together
Every single time
When the light shines through it
It is beautiful
Ray of light bouncing off of the cracks
And that
Takes
my breath
Away
Is that blood on your lips, you ask
It is your fault, I say
Each time I think of you,
I have to bite down on my lips
Fragile
This egg will remain a secret until it hatches
I will hold it just so
Not too tightly
Not without fear
I will appreciate its eggness
I am not going to rush it
To be anything
Other than what it is until it is not
I have already known that
It will eventually
Break the shell
It will hatch
And I will not be able to put it back together
Into an egg
So
I am going to cherish
Its newness
Its warmth
Dreams and hopes and possibilities it holds inside
I will hold the egg in my quiet place
Because it is just for me
And it is so dear
No need to expose it to extreme heat nor harsh wind
I will hold it in my heart
Gently
Lovingly
What will it be?
I hope I like what I meet
Just as beautiful as precious as this egg
I will wait for the opening
The egg tucked in the folds of my heart
in this suspended un-reality
we caress our dreams and wishes
bathing in bliss
love is easily consumed reproduced then
it is wasted
we are wasted
cause just because
it seems fragile
and its beauty makes me uneasy
so i drop it
time and again
and once more
it somehow makes sense to me
this madness
i do not want it to shatter but
if it does
it would probably be
sadly comforting
but it is resilient
solid
and i unhold my breath
just for the moment
once again.
i wish to love you
the way i love the sun
with casual disregard
occasional gratitude
totally taking it for granted
with blind faith
that it will alway be.
you know nothing and everything about me
you don't know how i take my coffee
nor my best friend's name
but there are moments
you move me like you made me
you reveal hidden switches
and teach me secrets about me
my boundary blurs senses sharpen gravity disappears
we expand infinitely contract instantaneously
and time floats lazily sheltering me/you here/now
simply to sit across from each other to share
a meal stories smiles laughter
and some photos that you can never find on your cell phone
to drive in silence side by side
surrounded by the night
large orange moon looking out, for what it seems like, just us
to be in the space as me as you
not needing a touch a kiss nor embrace
because we are caressed by you me we here
to fall into sleep with the warmth of not your own
Like two happy children
my skin warming up to yours and yours cooling down to mine
to say good morning and making it a really good one
talking about nothing and everything while doing something else
and like a glimpse of can be.
you called me from Uppsala
hey
how are you, ma?
good, you?
your voice traveled the wire
and mine traveled back
a little delay and echo
i thought of the distance between us
and then of what does not concern time nor space
it is snowing
midnight has come and gone
i sit with a little lamp
snow is eating the sound
i can hear it
and i think to myself
how i love my children
it is so cold
it is so warm
i feel everything and
i realize nothing matters
the moment i cease to exist
i am the happiest
I can't smell it
I can't touch it
If I try to grab it
It will escape through my fingers
Teasing me with memories of it
It is not meant to be seen
I can't taste it
I might have heard it in your
Voice
But I can't say for sure
I feel it
Though
Strongly
Deep within
It ties me to you and
You to me
Its flow
Excites me
Frees me
Upsets me
Saddens me
It insists on its presence
Like a little child then
It withdraws
Making me
Doubt my sanity
I've been pregnant
With agony
For a long long time
So long a time that
I thought my baby turned into
A great stone
It pressed me
Inside out
I dragged my feet
Everywhere
My stone baby was
Not warm not soft
Rough and sharp
It scraped me
Inside
It won't let me
Forget
Exquisitely heavy deep
And hallow
the thing is
it has to be exactly
the shape the feel the odor
substitution never
never
suffice
It has to be high to be low
There has to be left to be right
If you keep walking East
You will end up in West
You can’t taste sweetness without
Salty bitter spicy
So you open your arms wide
And you just take it
Take it all
Because it is all the same thing
One can’t be without the other
Sadness and joy do not sit at the opposite ends
You gotta have depth to achieve highest high
You can only grow with the roots that dig this earth
There is no line between love and hate
Thick or thin
One can morph into the other
Just like that
And sometimes it hurts so good
It is all the same
So you just take it
As is
Because it just is
Because you just are
You dance the music
On the thin line
Drawn in between
Arrogance and confidence
Looking for uncharted territory
Night after night
Hunting for a glimpse of
That moment
That forces you to come back
To agony and joy
Of birthing your essence
Years of loving
Years of dedication
Sweat pouring
For your libation
Passing and digesting
Hours of solitude
Drenched in notes
Sixteenth
Eighth
Quarter
Half
And whole
Now you
Dance the music
Like
Flying was your
Second nature
The lights glaze you with red sheen
Sweat shimmering down your face
Dark and statuesque
Wearing mysteries
Like you were born in it
Music flows
Time bends
Now is forever
and forever is now
atoms of the universe
assemble and disassemble
infinitely
part of me could have been
a magnificent tree
a soaring bird
an ocean that lulls you to
deep deep sleep
and i know one thing
for sure
that i have been you and
you have been me
somewhere in this universe
at one point or the other
in some shape or form
we manifested together
in harmony
and now we cross each other
once again
carrying a little bit of each other