People don’t change and that has been my experience. And that is a good thing.

Yes, we can make superficial changes and modify our behaviors. We can learn to eat better and we can adopt kinder responses to people and situations. Our viewpoints can shift and grow and we can learn to do things better and accept more and tame our impulses.

But in the core of core, we remain the same person. What moves us and, more importantly, what makes us rigid almost never budge. Our most protective instinct is like a core of the Earth that spins and determines the general workings of who we are.  I don’t know for sure what shapes our basal m.o., but I’d say for 99.9% of the time, it’s like the black matter that refuses to be modified.

Almost everyone disagrees with me when I say this; many will also say that I’m so pessimistic. That’s cool. But I find it more peaceful and loving to deal with other people with this perspective and accept each person as they are with no expectations for change. You have two choices: you take it or you leave it. I want to be accepted and loved just the way I am. It’s hard for me to change things about myself even if I really want to (and these are superficial things!) and even if I try really hard. It’s not fair for me to expect this of others when it’s this hard for me. And I don’t want others to expect that of me. That’s too much and that’s not fair for anyone. This is especially true in an intimate relationship setting.