Revolution is Tedious

December 31, 2018 in life

This has been a hard and long year.

One thing that seemed (and continue to be) to be on everyone’s mind and contributed to this hardness is how our government is falling apart. And it feels like everything is falling apart. There have been many people who said that our government structure is created to withstand tyranny but I never bought that. Just look at the world’s history. Nothing is infallible. Everything falls apart.

It is easy to find others to blame for the state we find ourselves in. Trump, yes. Russia, yes. Uneducated emotional voters, yes. Special interest groups, yes. Facebook, yes. But at the end of the day, blaming others does not solve any problem. Feeling righteous feels kinda nice for a moment but it compounds the problem by further isolating and separating people/us who should be finding common grounds and work together. Anyone who reads any type of spiritual books or on Instagram or watch Oprah knows that change has to start with each one of us. You know? Be the change you want to see. Because ultimately, I am/you are the only thing we can change in our lives (unless you have some supernatural psychic powers). This sounds totally self-evident and so obvious yet it warrants repeating times and again because we love finding fault in others and we think, “Oh, only if s/he does so and so….” Yes, yes, I’m guilty as charged. I know. But I somehow also manage to remember, nono, it starts with me. This is true on a very personal level and this is true for having a functional government that finds common human interests and serve that greater good. Each one of us have to own what is happening. We have to realize that we made what is happening happen. That sucks, yes, but admitting each one of us has a problem is the first step.

A Natural Element Called Roy

December 30, 2018 in music, life

A few people asked me to write about Roy Hargrove. Almost immediately after his death. It is difficult to write about another person even if I’ve known him for a long long time. I was also in deep shock that I was so shocked at his passing. I always kind of thought that he’d outlive everyone despite the serious illness. I couldn’t believe that I can’t argue with him anymore nor will never get to forget about the fight after hearing him play one note. I was stunned. I cried so hard at the news that I had to catch my breath. It was a bodyblow I was not expecting.

A lot of people already have written about Roy's music in online media. For about a week, Roy was everywhere every time I opened my computer: About the conversations people had with Roy; Brief yet immensely memorable interactions; Notes that he played. I thought to myself, wow, Roy was loved by many but then the next moment I had this feeling, like I just realized I didn’t button my shirt correctly. Roy didn’t really have a friend and he was always lonesome.

Undefined

December 18, 2018 in life

Sometimes I wish I remember the time when I didn’t not how to read. The times when I had no words to describe what I saw, what I felt, and even what I was thinking. Everything just was. Words and language are collections of point of views organized and formalized by other humans who came before me in the area I was born in. I was free from those influences. I know that I had a few early years when everything offered themselves to me with freshness and I was free to approach the world however I wish: if not in action, at least in my thoughts.

Then the words came and I was told the names of the colors and how to express my feelings in the ways that are acceptable to the group of people who surrounded me. My magical years were over. Although I don’t remember what those first few years were like, I would imagine that those time had significant impact on who I am today. (Or not.) As I was assigned words and traditions to mold me into what is considered acceptable to my people and culture, whatever I was before and wordless undefined memories faded.

Here/There

November 30, 2018 in life

I think a lot about death not because I’m afraid of it but because I wonder about it. Then someone close me passed away recently and that got me thinking about it even more. What it means to live. What it means to die. Or is there any difference between these two things?

I understand death to be a form of existing. A way of being in this universe. We give the word “death” to the phenomenon of losing flesh. Losing of the container. And somehow most of us fear the end of our flesh. “Death” sounds dark and horrible. I sometimes wonder, though, dying might be like casually stepping over a very thin line. I’m on this side and now I’m on the other side, like you are simply and unceremoniously stepping over a line. Just like that. I was alive and now I’m dead and I still am. I also imagine that release from my flesh might be an enormously emancipating. I will not be tormented by wants and needs created by flesh and I am not limited and separated by my flesh.

A Guardian of Being a.k.a. Roy Hargrove

November 09, 2018 in life, music

Roy was a guardian of being.

Just like flowers, trees, winds, and a puppy. He said, “Universe is moving right on time with us. So move on.” He was always in the moment. All he dealt with was here and now.

It sounds wonderful but it is hard to go through life in that way when everyone else around him wanted more than that moment. People wanted friendship, association, love, relationships, hoping for a bit of crumbs in any shape or form… which created the need for past and future; which created necessity for remembering and planning. Roy was not that person. He was always only in the moment. Hard and sincerely. In that moment, he meant everything he did; he meant every words he said; he felt everything he felt. There was no lie or deception in that. But because the rest of us don’t know how to deal with that truness of being, he had to lie and deceive and manipulate, so that he can somewhat sustain a facade of being a human and move through this world in flesh.

I Am Only A Person

October 31, 2018 in music, life

I am not a gig booking machine.

There are people who only talk about wanting to play at The Jazz Gallery every time I see them. Put yourself in my shoes. What do you think you’d do. Wouldn’t you want to avoid yourself? You can argue that it’s my job and I should suck it up. Perhaps. But I am telling you that it won’t serve you and your purpose well if you keep pushing your agendas only.

I’m only a human-being after all.

I SWEAR

October 27, 2018 in life

I curse freely in front of my children. I have been a potty mouth all my life, in Japanese and in English, and most likely I will continue to be so. I saw an Instagram quote saying, “Libras are fluent in at least five languages: English, Profanity, Sarcasm, Truth, and Love.” Yes, we are.

For the first fews years after my kids’ were born, I thought maybe I should stop or at least curve my cursing. I sort of tried; but it would inevitably pop up here and there. Old habits die hard. Then I had a second thought and I stopped stopping.

I told my kids that I will keep talking the way I always have (including cursing and what not) and I personally see there is nothing wrong with that: however, they are not allowed to curse. Not until they are 18 and they are out of my house and making their own money. At that point, they can express themselves however they want and accept the rewards/consequences of their choices. Until then, I told them that they are not allowed to curse anywhere because if they do people are going to think that I’m a horrible mother and some child protection people will take them away and put them in foster homes and they won’t live with me ever again. They were pretty young but they understood that my threat was not entirely true, yet, they got that I meant business.

Lonely Wo/man

October 25, 2018 in life

It is a lonesome thing. To be an artist.

When you are an artist, you are truly alone. Or should I say, being an artist unquestionably brings on a realization that we all are alone. Whether we like it or not.

It is for each of us to know how we figure in the genre/community you work in and it is for us to know if what we are doing is any good. Nobody is going to tell you. Ever. And even if someone decides to give us an honest (whatever that means) opinion, it is just that. It’s an opinion. If that person is in a position of power and s/he has positive reaction to the work, it can mean something but it still doesn’t say anything about the goodness/badness/soulfulness/pointlessness/beauty/roughness of our craft. Not in an absolute way which all artists ache for. It is such a lonely place to be.

There was a period of time in my life when I used to frequent poetry slams at the Nuyorican and Bowery Poetry. I wanted someone to tell me if I was any good. My ego wanted praise and my insecurity craved approval. I fared alright. I won some nights and I got invited to invitation-only Friday slams. Some people came up to me to say how they loved my writing. All that didn’t give me the confirmation I was looking for because that’s the wrong place to look.

It is for me to know. If I’m writing piece of shit or if I’m any good. I have to decide. I had to get with myself. And that’s rough. That’s lonesome.

Eat Well

October 21, 2018 in life

When my daughter turned 10 three years ago, I had “The Talk” with her and here is roughly how it went.

I chose a beautiful summer day on the beach as the venue. I wanted to talk about sex and intimacy in an open and sunny place. I know that I wanted to do this on my own term and I was happy to do it. I felt just a little nervous about the whole thing and I kept telling myself, “Rio, don’t be weird. Act natural. Put a smile on your face, but not a stiff, forced one. A natural and subtle one.” Right.

My daughter and I were lounging on the beach at Asbury Park when I abruptly said, “So do you know how babies are made?” To which she said, “yes.” I kept my cool and asked her to tell me what she knows. She said that people have sex. I asked her if she knows what that means. She said no. I explained what happens. The logistical part of it. I told her it’s OK to have sex, eventually (very important word here, lol), when she feels like she is ready but pleeeease protect herself. Make sure that her partner wears a hat. At all time. It takes one time to really change the course of her life. We can always recover and regroup from pretty much anything but if she can avoid adding challenges to being a young woman of color, then, I think she should strive for that. It’s already hard enough.

You Got To Be The Star

October 19, 2018 in music, life

Over the years I have received thousands and thousands of emails from young musicians who want to perform at The Jazz Gallery. First of all, thank you. I feel really honored and humbled to have been asked. Each time. Because without cats, we are nothing.

Secondly, I want to talk about how you should think about yourself as the star of whatever you are doing.

Many of the emails try to get my attention by saying, “I will have Ambrose Akinmusire in my group if I get a gig,” “This is the CD release for the album I recorded with Larry Grenadier, Kurt Rosenwinkel, and Mark Turner,” or “I have performed with Vijay Iyer.” And I have many things to say about that type of approach. Lol.

愛 or Love?

October 15, 2018 in life

When I first moved to the NYC at age of 18, I started living my life in English and all the sudden, I became this selfish person. I was starting every single sentence with “I.” I am talking about myself all the time. I woke up. I went to school. I felt tired. I ate this and that for lunch. I am happy. I am sad. I’m talking about myself all day long. “I” have never been this way. What is going on?

I grew up in Japan. Japanese language is very different from English in its thought process and structure. We hardly ever use pronouns. Most of the time, it is pretty obvious who and what we are talking about from the context and flow of the conversation. “I” is omitted. (So as he, she, it, etc) Only foreigners who are studying Japanese say “I.” Lol. Also, in Japanese, verbs come at the very end of the sentences and everything else - nouns, adjectives, adverbs, etc. - come before verbs. We don’t do articles, either. For example, the word-for-word translation of “I ate a delicious cupcake” would be “Delicious cupcake ate.” There is no “a” and there is no “I.”

How I Got here // JAZZIT Interview

October 11, 2018 in music, life

I have often been asked, “How did you get a job as an Artistic Director?” Well, I didn’t get a job as the Artistic Director of The Jazz Gallery. Dale Fitzgerald has given me an opportunity to build the place from ground up. Eventually, The Jazz Gallery has grown to the point where I needed an official title to the outside world and “Artistic Director” seemed befitting considering that I have been setting the creative directions for The Jazz Gallery for the past two decades.

Ashley Kahn has interviewed me a while back for the JAZZIT magazine and I talked a lot about how I got started in life, in music, and at The Jazz Gallery. Here is an original interview in English.